Before the Thread Breaks
by penchou
Summary: There's only so much fate can give her. Petra knows this as she looks at the red string tied to her pinky finger, staring right back at her mockingly as if its whole presence is a curse bestowed upon her. She figures it is. After all, she does not believe in soulmates.
1. at the beginning

Petra does not believe in soulmates.

Her mother used to say to her. _Petra, there is no such thing as soulmates. Soulmates are just an illusion created by people thinking they can always get what they want._

She'd run her pale slender fingers through little Petra's golden tresses chanting these words to her like a mantra, making her promise not to let this universal phenomenon take over her life. Petra would nod, not truly understanding her mother's advice only complying to her wishes to make her happy.

Her five-year-old self wouldn't understand why her mother, her sweet and loving mother who'd always sing her to sleep and carry her in her arms whenever she's too tired, would tell her such a thing. She had been too young to understand that the world is a terrifying place to be in due to the constant presence of Titans outside the walls; Not even the mere affirmation that having a soulmate could change their lives. It only eludes the people of their own loneliness, not a peace of mind that one day, they'll be freed of the terrors lurking beyond the walls.

Better to practice limiting yourself to the reality of life than getting your hopes up for nothing.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

This is what they know: Ever since the dawn of time, soulmates always have been a thing. No one knows exactly how and when the phenomenon started, only knows that it is present, and it is a blessing especially to those who already have found the person they're fated to be with.

There are many different ways to determine the identity your soulmate.

Most usually get the name of their fated person inscribed on their skin. Almost like they're specifically branded for them, which in a way is quite literally accurate. Others attain distinct soul marks, sometimes words or objects or even animals, on their flesh; One pair of soul mark is unique than the others. This is to showcase that they're indeed meant to be. Fewer than those of the population get timers wherein when the countdown reaches zero, the person is granted a chance meeting with their other half. There are also those who can finally see color when they first meet, and many, many more.

How one knows that they indeed discovered their soulmate? It's all in the gut feeling. Your stomach warms up, your heart starts to beat faster, and you feel like burning in the inside, but people say it is the good kind of burn. They say it feels like your being is completing itself in the presence of your fated one and that you'll feel whole.

All these things, Petra already knows. She should know.

After all, it broke her mother apart.

.

.

.

This is what they don't know: Amongst the large population of people with predetermined partners, therein lies the rare occurrence where there are only those who end up with none.

Petra is seven years old when she finds out the truth behind her mother's words.


	2. seeing red

The time when you know you have a soulmate usually comes around at the ages of three to four. Kids around her age proudly displaying it, showing off their own determiners depending on what it is. But not her. Not Petra.

She never had any indicator of a soulmate when that time came.

Petra didn't find it in herself to care about its absence honestly. One reason is the bias from her own mother who instilled in her own head not to think about it too much. That and the fact that she grown tired of hearing it from her schoolmates.

She never really had any friends. Not that she'd care.

The other children would always make teasing or snide comments about it. Usually behind her back, but she pretends to not notice. Always going back to the lessons being taught by the teacher, ignoring the backstabbing side marks directed towards her.

They call her an anomaly which is weird because they're still kids and that word is kind of difficult. Nevertheless, it translates to stranger. A child without a soulmate mark or anything to indicate the presence of her soulmate. How odd.

They scorn her for it. Mocking her for it because Petra might be some kind of witch or something along those lines. Petra scoffs at this, opposing their claims that she is such a thing.

It's stupid, really.

It's just a stupid soulmate thing. They're still so young to be prioritizing it. They're about five years old for god's sake!

Five-year old Petra shakes her head in dismay. She can't find it in herself to care anymore nor does she bother to ask her own mother why they have it but not her.

Yet, she begins to doubt herself even more.

.

.

.

Despite the number of criticism thrown her away and how much she tries to suppress the annoyance and anger towards them, the innocent and curious side of hers still wonder why indeed. Why she had to endure such treatment when she has done nothing wrong?

This, she greatly expressed to her mother one night. When her thoughts keep on replaying the mean comments said to her, unable to go to sleep. She had been tossing and turning on her bed when her mother popped in to check on her, mild worry written on her face at the sight of her slightly distressed daughter.

"Is there something wrong with me?" asked her, covering her face underneath the sheets when she hears the nearing footsteps of Amiya Ral.

"Of course not. You're perfect the way you are." Furrowing her brows at the question, the older woman carefully takes her place beside the lying form of her daughter. Careful not to upset her even further, she keeps her hands to herself knowing that Petra would have already indicated that she wanted her to hold her. "What brought this on?"

Amiya hears the quiet huff of annoyance from under the blanket. "It's the other kids."

The older woman raises a brow at that. She knows already of the treatment to her daughter from the many nights of complaining coming from the source herself, and she's very worried yes but she knows that Petra can handle herself. Then again, Amiya knows Petra has her own limits.

"What of them?" she prompts the little girl.

"It's the stupid soulmate thing again." Petra spats out, emphasizing the fourth word with scorn and removing herself out of the covers of her blanket, a frown on her small round face. "They think there's something wrong with me just because I have none."

Amiya resists the urge to wince, her heart breaking to know that this made Petra feel inadequate in spite of her withstanding the hurtful and harsh remarks.

"Remember what I told you?" She says eventually, moving closer to Petra so that the older woman can caress the side of her head.

Leaning to her mother's touch Petra hums in reply and closes her eyes. "Don't let the knowledge of having a soulmate define you."

"Yes, Petra dear." Her mother says, placing a kiss on the top of her forehead. "Soulmates don't define you, so don't you ever feel bad for not having one."

"I love you my child and I love you as you are."

.

.

.

Petra held her mother's words to her heart. Always reminding herself that there is nothing wrong with her. It's just the other kids way of getting to her. She knows that.

And yet she is still being left out.

But that's okay with her.

Another year passes by, Petra is now six years old and she is still by herself during breaks either reading a book or plainly daydreaming on how it would be like outside the walls.

She has never outright told anyone of her dream, but she wants to go out of their cage and explore what's beyond there. Petra knows she can't but there is nothing stopping her from thinking about it.

One day. One day, she tells herself.

She'll make that dream come true. One way or another.

.

.

.

It happens when she least expects it.

Petra was walking home from school. Her satchel full of her things strapped on her side. Groups of children ran past her, none wanting to spend time with the 'soulmate-less'. She had gotten used to it by now, not anymore bothered by their immature handlings of her rare condition.

When one boy abruptly knocks her out of balance, leading her to almost stumbling on her feet, she is suddenly reminded of her mother's words. Time seemingly going slower than normal.

 _There is no such thing as soulmates._ She says running her pale finger through Petra's golden tresses.

Then there is a sudden burning feeling on her left hand. An intense heat searing to her hand and growing onto one specific spot and just like out of nowhere, the feeling disappears. Petra does not really know honestly. It feels like her head is spinning.

 _Soulmates don't define you, my dear Petra._ Amiya smiles comfortingly at her, wiping away the unnoticed tear from her face.

And before everything begins to go back to normal. Before she completely hits the ground face first. Only one word comes to mind when she takes a look at the previously confusing feeling on her left hand, specifically on her pinky.

 _Red._


End file.
